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I'm better at pushing aside feelings and emotions, and not letting myself get excited or not getting my hopes up, and ignoring things when need be - all in a bid to survive, to not get hurt and all that jazz.
I'm in the midst of my 24th missed opportunity. It's exactly 2 years now. Which is so surreal by the way. But for a little bit there I thought it might not be. I was having some weird symptoms. But I didn't let myself get excited. Sore boobs non stop for 2 weeks. Queesy. Funny with smells. And my spot on cycle has been not so spot on lately it seems. But I did it. I didn't get excited. I didn't think about it. I pushed it out of my head. When my period was late, I didn't jump to conclusions. I didn't foolishly do a pregnancy test. I just waited.
And it came. And I'm OK with that, for now.
Still no specialist appointment. Who has money for those things anyway?
I got a free frozen fanta from Hungry Jack's today. It was awesome. Things like that make awful cramps seems more OK. Pity I have a sinus infection and the frozen fanta congested me worse. Meh.. can't win! :)
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