It takes it out of you all the time. It drains you every day. If I don't get at least 8 hours sleep I'm a wreck. Your brain ticks non stop. You wonder. You mourn. You dream. You cry. You try and get lost in things that you need to get done. But it's always there. It never leaves you alone. You try and stay composed. You try to cry quietly and discretely. You can't do anything about it. You don't have any money to do anything about it. So you try and celebrate the small things. But it doesn't help. You just feel like an idiot for celebrating stupid things. You daydream a lot. Get lost in your thoughts. Sometimes it's hard to do the basics. You force yourself. It takes days to put away the laundry. You cook dinner but only once or twice a week. It's too hard. It's not like you have a family to cook it for. Luckily you do have a husband that doesn't care though. Phew. You have others over that have kids and you get annoyed by the mess they make. Then you wonder why it annoyed you. Don't you want that? Isn't that what consumes your thoughts? Dreams?
25 months.
It's so confusing. And exhausting. And it never seems to end.
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