Never give up.

I was feeling a little blue last night. I think a lot of it stemmed down to the fact that I had a really big weekend, working lots and not much sleep in between it all. Then to mix into it, they talked a little bit about blessings of being a mother at church in the Relief Society lesson (women's group) yesterday.

I found myself, without realising, questioning why this was chosen to be my challenge. When I start on this train of thought, it really gets me down. Once I realised what I was thinking about, I knew I needed to dig myself out of the pit before I got in too deep. I went searching for upliftment, and luckily I found it in the way of a Mormon Message on YouTube.

This part of the Mormon Message was exactly what I needed to hear.

 

"I remember when I was preparing to be trained as a fighter pilot. We spent a great deal of our preliminary military training in physical exercise. I’m still not exactly sure why endless running was considered such an essential preparatory part of becoming a pilot. Nevertheless, we ran and we ran and we ran some more.

As I was running I began to notice something that, frankly, troubled me. Time and again I was being passed by men who smoked, drank, and did all manner of things that were contrary to the gospel and, in particular, to the Word of Wisdom.

I remember thinking, “Wait a minute! Aren’t I supposed to be able to run and not be weary?” I asked myself, was the promise true or was it not?

The answer didn’t come immediately. But eventually I learned that God’s promises are not always fulfilled as quickly as or in the way we might hope.

Patience means staying with something until the end. It means delaying immediate gratification for future blessing.  The work of patience boils down to this. Keep the commandments. Trust in God our Heavenly Father. Serve him with meekness and Christlike love. Exercise faith and hope in the Saviour, and never give up."

 

 

Numb

I have been feeling really numb.  Out of touch.  Dreamy.  Strange.

 

It's an unusual feeling. 

 

Time is passing quickly.  Days & weeks are blurring.  It feels like not much has happened.  I know I have been doing a lot lately, going out, doing things, hanging out with people, doing family stuff.  I've had some massive deadlines I've had to meet.  Custom orders. So much stuff.  But it has all blurred together and it honestly feels like not much has been going on.

 

It feels like all that stuff I've been doing, didn't really happen. 

 

Emotionally, I've changed.  The way emotion affects me, is a way it has never affected me before. It's weird.  I don't get as upset as I used to talking about the fact we don't have kids, and that we haven't been able to get pregnant.  I guess that fact has sunken in a little more.  It's not as fresh and harsh. I seem to be able to just say it how it is. 

 

But other stuff is affecting me. I've been trying to figure out how to explain it.  I guess I'm struggling with "tender moments".  Last night I was cuddling my baby nephew who was extremely overtired and it was past his bedtime.  I was rocking him in his bedroom patting his bum.  He wasn't keen on the idea of going to sleep and was whinging a fair bit.  So I started singing to him.  But I had to stop after a minute, because I made myself cry. Instead I started talking to him.  I seemed to be able to handle that better. 

 

I guess the worst part about this numb, dreamy state of time blurring together, is it feels like I have my period every other week.  It certainly doesn't feel like I've had a 3 week break in between each time.  

 

Oh, and I know 18 people who are pregnant now.  Stop falling pregnant people.  It's getting really annoying.

 

27 months.