Numb

I have been feeling really numb.  Out of touch.  Dreamy.  Strange.

 

It's an unusual feeling. 

 

Time is passing quickly.  Days & weeks are blurring.  It feels like not much has happened.  I know I have been doing a lot lately, going out, doing things, hanging out with people, doing family stuff.  I've had some massive deadlines I've had to meet.  Custom orders. So much stuff.  But it has all blurred together and it honestly feels like not much has been going on.

 

It feels like all that stuff I've been doing, didn't really happen. 

 

Emotionally, I've changed.  The way emotion affects me, is a way it has never affected me before. It's weird.  I don't get as upset as I used to talking about the fact we don't have kids, and that we haven't been able to get pregnant.  I guess that fact has sunken in a little more.  It's not as fresh and harsh. I seem to be able to just say it how it is. 

 

But other stuff is affecting me. I've been trying to figure out how to explain it.  I guess I'm struggling with "tender moments".  Last night I was cuddling my baby nephew who was extremely overtired and it was past his bedtime.  I was rocking him in his bedroom patting his bum.  He wasn't keen on the idea of going to sleep and was whinging a fair bit.  So I started singing to him.  But I had to stop after a minute, because I made myself cry. Instead I started talking to him.  I seemed to be able to handle that better. 

 

I guess the worst part about this numb, dreamy state of time blurring together, is it feels like I have my period every other week.  It certainly doesn't feel like I've had a 3 week break in between each time.  

 

Oh, and I know 18 people who are pregnant now.  Stop falling pregnant people.  It's getting really annoying.

 

27 months.