I've found it easier to be withdrawn lately. I don't have to face the realities of my life when I stay in the comfort of my own home as ubruptly as I would if I spent alot of time "out". Less questions. Less comments. Less judgments. Less awkward conversations. Less effort too. A whole lot more pleasant, but being withdrawn comes at a price. You are a whole lot more lonely.
It's hard to find the happy medium when you don't fit into anyany of the typical moulds. Everyone our age has kids. The only couples without kids are younger and we don't have anything to do with them, and although we've tried, they don't want to have anything to do with us. Apparently early 30's and late 20's is old, or something.
So I've had alot of time alone with my thoughts. Some days this is a good thing, some days it's not. Some days I sob most of the day and sob myself to sleep at night. But then some days I feel resolved and optomistic about the future. I still have options. I haven't gone down every avenue yet.
In a way being alone means I can feel and act however I need to, to get through that day. If I need to cry it out, I can. I don't have to hold it all in and pretend I'm having the best day ever with the fakest smile in town. If taking a shower that day is too hard, then I just don't take a shower that day.
So if you come knocking on my door, and I don't answer, it's probably because I've having a "no shower day", so please don't be offended. Just leave the choccies and flowers on my doorstep, presuming that is why you were dropping over.
3 comments:
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Get a puppy. I wouldn't have survived without my Charlie. I love him so dang much and he soothes and comforts me everyday, and he's so funny and fluffy.
I agree Stacey. My 2 dogs have been a huge part of helping to fill the raw, gaping hole in my heart. I got them at 8 weeks old so I got to experience raising a baby (even if they were my furr-babies), preparing for them, going shopping for beds, bowls, toys,setting up the house so they couldn't get anything they shouldn't, taking them to get their shots, giving them their first bath, making them jumpers for their first winter, toilet training, rushing them to the 24 hour vet when one tried to eat a toad and almost died, snuggling them on the couch etc. It really helped me and I'm not sure what my state of mind would be like if I hadn't had them as substitute children. Having said this, I'm not a crazy pet owner, they are still dogs, they sleep, eat and live outside. Maybe have a think about it as it might help you too?
Yep I agree - dogs are loyal, loving and not judgmental! I call mine my babies & its fun to spoil them :) I swear my 2 act like children, having tantrums & all.... trust me, it is no substitute at all, but they do help when your not having a good day.
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